Exhausted!!!!

I'm darn darn darn exhausted! Urghh. I just got back. I spent my day today hanging with my new gfs in Taksim. It was lovely. Actually today was the first time they met each other - I introduced them both today and they got along really well like a pair of socks.

Feeling crap now though cos I gotta do my lesson plan and boy do I hate that! Urghhh! Plus I have a school meeting tomorrow (God I hate meetings, so pointless when it's a weekly thingy!) and few hours later, my evening class. Just tiring.

I'll fly to Cyprus the day after tomorrow for my visa run. Oh yea, don't ever thought of getting a freaking work permit here, employers don't give a shit about them so basically you'd have to do your visa run every 90 days or lesser depending on where ya from. I know of this Khazakstani girl here who's doing her visa run EVERY month! Bloody hell, I feel like an illegal immigrant here sometimes!

Working without a work permit means you can be deported if there are random checks in the school by the cops. Even on the streets, cops here make random checks on your i.ds and passport especially local Turkish men and foreigners. Most of my foreign friends here are lucky cos they can pass off as Turkish so the chances of them getting asked for passports are lesser but me having obviously Asian looks, not so lucky my friend! Maybe I should wear a burqa or something.



Ok, I'm just gonna have a quick rest before I start working again. Have a great one!



XO
Macy

Catching Up with a dear Singaporean pal :)

I called B today after months of being here. In fact, I've not spoken to him since I got here in Istanbul. B is a special friend, with a special character alrite. One might describe him as irritating, cheesy, intelligent, positive and driven.

He was happy to hear from me. Previously I did make attempts to get in touch with him when I got here but I received no replies for my text message so I thought the chap was not keen to catch up with me. Unknown to me, he didn't receive the message and had in fact tried to call my Singapore number couple of times but I wasn't using my Singapore line anymore.

"I thought you were dead!!!" he exclaimed on the phone. Yes, that's B. Always thinking best of me. ;p It was nice talking to him again. B is a teacher in Singapore and being new in that line, I told him about my down moments being a teacher. I confided to him that though most of my students are happy with me, there is a percentage who's not and I took it personal and felt like a failure. As usual B always manage to make me feel better with his wisdom and life experience.

Being a popular teacher himself, he told me there is no freaking way you can make 100% of your students happy and progressing. He said not even the prophet can convert all populations, what makes you think you can? True that. I realised I should have a more carefree and fuck-care attitude, something I really wish to change about myself.

I always take my work seriously, sometimes far too SERIOUSLY. I want to be perfect in things that I do and I always think I can be, if only I try harder. I need to constantly remind myself life isn't about achieving to please others and striving for perfection. Rather it is a learning journey that one must embrace humbly.

B will be heading to UK for good this coming April with his gf. Looks like lotsa people are getting out of Singapore! Singapore is a near perfect country, in fact I'm very proud to be a Singaporean but sometimes we need freedom. Singapore can be too rigid and structured. I felt suffocated with the expectations posed on me. Though I'm earning way much lesser than what I used to earn back there, I am nonetheless happier here. :)

On top of that, B revealed he will be getting married in maybe half to a year's time!!! I was darn freaking shocked to hear that!! I mean I haven't heard from this dude for 5 months to be exact and next thing I knew he's engaged!!!! Congrats to him nonetheless. B and his gf are of different religions thus they'll get married in UK away from their family and friends. Somehow I admired his gutsy attitude. That's indeed a big step and sacrifice. I honestly don't understand why differences of religion can force couples apart but I must say with the pressure from family and friends, most couples wouldn't stand the test. B just decide to take off and get married, instead of risking his potential life partner. How can you not respect and envy such romantic and brave move?? Congrats again, B. Make sure you invite me and not call me up out of the blue to say ya a father of newly born twins.

I briefly shared with him the on goings of my life here over laughters. It was nice. It was nice to talk to an old friend. I do hope our friendship will stay for years and years to come...


XO
Macy

SUCKS being a Teacher!

I really have more and more respect for teachers now as I lead into their footsteps. I never thought I'll be one but my desire to venture abroad significantly contributes my decision to be an ESL teacher.

It's really stressful sometimes, rewarding at another. I briefly taught at a private college for barely 2 weeks. Due to their very conservative style, I quitted on my first day but it dragged on to nearly 2 weeks. On top of that, I just couldn't handle dealing with ill-disciplined spoilt rich brats. You could barely teach them, they'll be screaming, shouting, throwing punches - practically everything except paying attention. I didn't like the person I became when I was there. I turned NASTY. I shouted at my students to demand their attention. There was no other way but that was truly not my style. I had to gulp down tons of bottles of water down my throat cos of the constant shouting. It was a nightmare. It was HELL. This was few months ago.

It doesn't stop there. I just found out they created some facebook page discussion about who their best foreign teacher is. Oh. My. God. Some fuckhead wrote the only thing he learnt from me was 'SHUT UP'. He also wrote I was being fired from the school which was a mother fucking LIE. I quitted and was asked to stay. I was even offered a higher pay should I decide to stay.

I wish I could throttle that dickhead I swear. I know I shouldn't feel so bothered by what a young teen wrote but somehow I felt angry. I felt a sense of betrayal as when I was teaching there, countless students came over to tell me I was a great teacher and I received countless notes of 'I LOVE YOU' and some little funny gifts.

That discussion was in Turkish and I was actually glad. I could make my partner translate all the comments made but I stopped him at a few. I don't think I can hear any more shit thrown my way. Apparently the kids have a new favourite teacher now after the one who replaced me left. One time ya hot stuff, the next ya garbage.

Maybe I'm being extra sensitive but as a female, I just can't help feeling affected by it. Maybe cos I personally feel I've always tried my best. I spent hours on my lesson preparations, to the point of having 3 hours of sleep. What hurts more I feel is the lack of gratitute and appreciation by students. I guess that's life. That's what teachers go through and I should just hold my head up high and embrace another challenge.

I wish I was a better student back then too. I wish I've thanked my ex-teachers for their hard work in trying to educate us. Come to think of it, I didn't. I was simply... one of the brats.

Aaaah... I think this is what they called... retribution.


XO
Macy